I’m fucking a manchild.

Last night Michael informed me that when he was a child, in order to eat broccoli, he would pretend he was a long necked dinosaur, and eat the leaves off the trees…. he then went on to say that although he likes broccoli now, he still does this, just because it’s fun. 

He also suggested I try it. 

He’s 23.

I’m fucking a manchild. 

So, I have a bit of a plan…… Well a lot of a plan.

Tonight, I had a fucking plan. 

I didn’t realize I had the plan, until after the plan was ruined, but I had a fucking plan. 

I texted Michael, and waited for twenty minutes, no reply. Well that was fine, he could be showering, shaving his balls, jacking off, doing housework (HA). Whatever, the guy has a life, I suppose. 

Forty five minutes, with still no reply though, and I was getting pretty peeved, so I checked his Facebook… no updates. 

Twitter, yup… Asshole had tweeted something nine minutes before. 

So I just fucking freaked, but didn’t have the balls to text him. 

Not that I didn’t have the balls, really. The thing is, if I text him.. he can ignore it (Like he just had.) If I inbox him on facebook, and freak out.. he’ll probably block and delete me like the immature prick he is. Even if I called him, he could hang up on me so rather than make such a direct action, I simply tweeted “funny how people can tweet, but not text back #fuckyou”.

However, then I forgot a crucial part of Michael tweeting. You see, when he tweets, he doesn’t turn his phone’s GPS off, so I can see EXACTLY where he is. (Such as over the weekend, when he told me he was in the city, but he was really at home.) 

So I check the GPS, and I realize he’s not at home, but at this place where he’s been a lot lately. (I actually don’t mean to creep his location purposefully like some sort of psychotic bitch, but I happen to creep his twitter, since that’s normal, and he doesn’t turn his GPS off, so I notice. I only use it to my advantage when needed.) Now, Michael never really texts me back when he doesn’t want to go out, which is annoying as fuck, but understandable in a sense. So this was understandable, but it was then that I realized that we would not be seeing each other tonight, and probably wouldn’t be seeing each other all weekend, since tonight was the night I’d set aside for him.

Now, here’s where the plan set in. After it hit home that we wouldn’t be seeing each other, I realized that I didn’t even give a flying shit about the sex. No. We have bigger things to talk about. 

First of all, there’s a pretty damn FALSE rumour going around my school right now that I’m pregnant, with his child. If that were to get back to him from some random fuck, I can’t imagine he’d be too pleased, so I’d like to give him fair warning.. however I would like to bring it up in person.. because if I told him by any other means he would simply say “Ok, whatever.” But in person, it would spark a discussion that needs to be had. Say the rumour is true, which it very well could be. For the past five months it’s be quite possible. However, neither of us has said the word out loud. Last time we hung out, we discussed how glad he is that he doesn’t have kids, and the first time we hung out we discussed how I want eight kids, however we’ve never discussed the possibility of OUR kid. A kid he would most certainly insist on aborting. An act I would refuse to carry out.

Well that’s the big, serious discussion we need to have, which we shuld have had tonight, however there’s more.

I’M FUCKING SICK OF THIS! I’m sick of being his 105th, because that’s fucking disgusting. He was my first, and I’m his 105th. I don’t want him sleeping with anyone else, and if there is anyone else, then I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to date him, but I want to talk to him on a regular basis, text him daily, even if it’s just to say good morning.. end the drive right home afterwards bullshit, hang out without having sex, and be open about things with him, rather than hide A LOT of shit from him. I want him to come out with me and my friends sometimes, and I want him to come to a party when I invite him, rather than says he’d rather just see me for a bit. I want to meet his friends, or at least his roommate. I also want to meet his mom, for two reasons. The first being, he’s met mine.. the second being, I want to fucking see what he came from, because there has to be an explanation for his erratic behavior/personality. Better yet, I just want to hear him mention his mom once. He told me a tiny, tiny bit about his dad, but I’ve never heard a word about his mother. I just want to know. It seems valid, if you ask me.

Ah, what else do I want? Oh! I want to be able to bring him to my brother’s house, without worrying about my brother murdering him. I want to bring him to my niece, nephews, and godchildren’s birthdays. I want him to be my date for anything of such a sort, in fact. I want the full “friends with benefits” package.

I think I’m done.

Nope I’m not. 

I want him to use a condom without being told, and leave it on until we’ve finished. 

I want to be able to say “I’m on my period.” Without feeling like I’ve grossed him out. 

Final thing, and this is only because I want other bitches to stay away. I wanna set my relationship status on facebook as either it’s complicated or in an open relationship with him.. or even in a civil union, whatever the fuck that means. Fuck, I just googled it. Well, since Michael has a penis, and I do not.. civil union would be a politically incorrect term. In any case, i just wanna lay my claim on him so that rageddy bitches will stay away.

But, keep in mind, I do not want to date him. What I just described might sound like dating, but it’s not. If he texted me, and said “Last night I slept with [insert name of raggedy bitch here].” I would be like “Okay, well do you still want to continue this?” or he could text and say “I’ve been spending a lot of time with [insert name of raggedy bitch here], and I think I might really like her, so we should take a break, and maybe you should find someone else too.”

And I would be fine with it. And we could still chat, and be friends, and whatnot. It would still have the casual factor, it just wouldn’t be so fucking degrading. 

Anyways. That is all. For now. Oh fuck, wait til I see him next, he’s in for an earful.

That’s okay, Michael. Ignore me.

Go rip around on your little dirtbike all day, but tonight when your cock’s hard, guess who’s gonna be sitting at her cousin’s house three hours away, NOT pleasuring your needs. That’s right. This classy chick right hurr.

I hope my Bio teacher is happy.

I’m kicked out of my house because she called my mom and told her I have no ambition with any of my schoolwork.

What gives her the right to call my house, and bad mouth me, and lie? What gives her the fucking right?

Now, I DO have to quit school and WORK because SCHOOL won’t pay my rent. Ain’t that a bitch.

DID MY MOTHER JUST SERIOUSLY TELL ME THAT I AM NOT ALLOWED TO STAY AT MY HOUSE ON SATURDAY NIGHT?

HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHA! Fucking HA!

Nope, no thanks.. I’ll be sleeping in my fucking bed Saturday night thank you very fucking much. I have to get up at 7 in the morning and go to work… If I’m old enough to work, and drive for three hours by myself to get to my godchild’s birthday party, I’m fucking old enough to stay at my house by myself. So yup, my mother can go fuck her fucking self.. I get to stay at my house by myself or I move out, I’m not fucking getting babysat when I’m seventeen fucking years old. Jesus mother fucking Christ.

Am I really getting into a facebook fight about my fucking education?

Fucking really?

This is more fucking pointless than the discussion I had with my friend Brittney yesterday about lettuce… and THAT was pretty fucking pointless.

My Mom’s Gonna Make Me Cry…

She won’t stop mouthing off about my money… and how I waste it… but it’s MY money that I work for, so she can fuck right off. 

And I wanna go see Michael, but I’m not allowed. And I hate school. And I want to move out.

And now I’m done complaining.

Fuck I wish I weren’t so utterly fucking repulsive.

Yup pissed solid.

Just spent almost $50 on birthday presents for my godson and nephew and now I can’t even book their birthdays off… Because apparently my store likes to make schedules two weeks in advance, then fire people who are their schedule.. then not be able to fill shifts. Fucking burnouts.

It’s on days like these that I’m glad my manager just got fired. Just ‘cause, I can sit at work, and do nothing, and no one is there to fire me.